Not Stopping Until I Reach Perfection.
Do not give up what you want the most for what you want at the moment.
17 going on 18.nyc.athiest.vegan.artist.
I have many problems with my health due to anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. I also self harm in many ways; cutting, abusing substances. I am severely depressed, and bipolar. Not a day goes by that I don't think about suicide.
I'm not going to stop losing weight until I'm happy. No matter what.
purge free days: 3
cut free days: 27
binge free days: 3
trying to get better before i’m really in deep shit with all this.
my bestfriend helped me realize a lot of things and i thank him for that.
i’ll come back eventually. i’ll just be on my other blog more now :)
stay lovely and strong :) <3
(Source: determined-to-succeed)
..i completely just stopped posting updates on my tumblr for like 5 days :( but i’m back! haha
so i did the RGD for three days and lost 5 pounds after the first two days :) but then one thing led to another and i just stopped doing it and got wayyy off track -___- so, today 4/3/12 i will be starting once again. this time i want to do it at least until sunday, which is Easter. i don’t know how not eating will work on sunday, because of all the family and friends, but i’ll try my best to stay true to the RGD.
then, the entire next week i have spring break. so, i HAVE to stay super occupied at all times. and if i have nothing to do i’ll just sleep. just so i don’t have to worry about eating for no reason. i’ll have weigh ins almost everyday and i’ll be on track!!!
also, on this wednesday night i’m going to take about 8 laxatives just so i can get rid of anything that really should just leave haha. but yeah so that’s what happened/is happening. :)
(Source: determined-to-succeed)
went great!
had 8 baby carrots for lunch and a gala apple for dinner. drank only zero calorie stuff all day. :)
(Source: determined-to-succeed)
decided to stop the ABC because I keep giving in after a few days. going to do the Russian gymnast diet for a week and see what results I get. if anything, I’ll probably go between doing the RGD and staying under 500 a day. yeah.
do it.
| Have you ever: | |
| 1) Self harmed? -yes | |
| 2) Got into a real fight? -yes | |
| 3) Been too depressed to move out of your bed? -yes | |
| 4) Tried to commit suicide? -yes | |
| 5) Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt? -yes | |
| 6) Watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting? -yes | |
| 7) Talked yourself out of serious trouble? -yes | |
| 8) Accused someone of using you? -yes | |
| 9) Shoplifted? -yes | |
| 10) Gotten drunk/high? -yess | |
| 11) Been to a concert where your favourite artist was playing? -yes | |
| 12) Skipped doing homework to play a video game? -yess | |
| (Right now) Are you: | |
| 13) Suicidal? -yes | |
| 14) Bored? -yes | |
| 15) Avoiding someone? -yes | |
| 16) Avoiding some task? -yes | |
| 17) Depressed? -yes | |
| 18) Crying? -no | |
| 19) Annoyed with a friend? -no | |
| 20) Worried and confused about something important to you? -yes | |
| Do you: | |
| 21) Get depressed easily? -yup | |
| 22) Get jealous/envious easily? -depends | |
| 23) Feel listening to music can take your mind off things? -yes | |
| 24) Worry about messing about your relationships a lot? -all the time | |
| 25) Try hard in all your classes at school? -not all of them | |
| 26) Go out drinking? -used to, trying to stay sober for a while | |
| 27) Smoke cigarettes? -trying to quit | |
| 28) Smoke weed? -yup | |
| 29) Do any hard drugs? -sometimes | |
| 30) If you said yes to 28 but no to 29, Why? | |
| 31) Believe in God/Belong to a religion of your own free will? -atheist | |
| 32) Avoid people you care about because you feel you will only hurt them? -yup | |
| 33) Agree that self harm numbs emotional pain? -yup, but it doesn't for long | |
| 34) Believe people deserve second chances? -some people | |
| 35) Agree with ‘An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’? (ignoring the religious relation to that saying) -usually, yes | |
| 36) Think things will get better? -i sure hope so. | |
| 37) Feel afraid that you have done wrong and will eventually be punished? -yup. | |
| 38) (be honest) Do you judge people who think differently to you? (seriously, be honest) -probably | |
| Preference in boyfriend/girlfriend: | |
| 39) Long hair OR short hair? -short | |
| 40) (For Girls one) nice smile OR nice abs? -nice smile | |
| 41) (For Guys one) nice smile OR nice chest? | |
| 42) Shy OR open? -in between. not too open. | |
| 43) Eyes OR body? -eyes | |
| 44) Religious OR non-religious? -doesn't matter | |
| 45) Caring OR non-restricting of you? -caring | |
| 46) Straight edge OR non-straight edge? -non-straight edge, but know when to stop. | |
| 47) Piercings OR no piercings? -either or | |
| 48) Tattoos OR no tattoos? -either or | |
| 49) Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type? -in the middle, cause that's what i am. | |
| 50) Has friends you get along with OR has parents you get along with? -both | |
| Would you: | |
| 51) Drink alcohol until you were drunk? -yes | |
| 52) Smoke weed? -yes | |
| 53) Smoke cigarettes? -yes | |
| 54) Get even with someone who betrayed you? -possibly | |
| 55) Forgive a boyfriend/girlfriend who deeply hurt you? -depends, on who it is. | |
| 56) Attempt to kill yourself if everything fails you? -yes | |
| 57) Keep your faith (any religious view) no matter what? | |
| 58) Join a band as a part time activity? -sure | |
| 59) Feel sorry for someone who is being affected negatively from alcohol/drug abuse? -yes | |
| 60) Stand up for your beliefs if someone strongly goes against them? -yes | |
| 61) Go vegetarian for a month to see what is was like? -i did, and now i'm 1+year vegetarian | |
| 62) Fight someone who was harassing your friends/family? -yes | |
| 63) Edit photos of yourself before posting them online? -yeah but nothing too crazy, like some people. | |
| 64) Put up with friends who constantly hated against something you believed in/supported? -fuck them. i'll believe and support whatever i want. | |
| 65) Be friends with someone who was nice to you, but a cunt to other people? -sure, but probably wouldn't be too close with them. | |
| 66) Not like someone simply because your friend(s) didn’t like them? -no way | |
| 67) Lie to someone close to you because you don’t want them put up with your problems? -all the time | |
| 68) Starve yourself so you fit some certain clothes? -all the time | |
| 69) Get surgery on any part of you? If yes then which part of you? -no, i'll work to fix what i don't like | |
| 70) Sleep naked? -sure | |
| You can only choose one: | |
| 71) Black or Orange? -black | |
| 72) Metalcore OR Post-Hardcore? -Metalcore | |
| 73) Cellphone or Computer? -cellphone, iPhone!!! | |
| 74) Chocolate milk OR Coke? -coke | |
| 75) Tumblr OR Friends? -friends | |
| 76) Apple OR PC? -apple | |
| 77) TV Shows OR Movies? -movies | |
| 78) Old bands OR new Bands? -old bands | |
| 79) Pop-Punk OR Alternative Rock? -alternative rock | |
| 80) Reading OR Listening to music? -love both but have to pick listening to music. | |
| 81) Coke OR Pepsi? Define your reason for your choice. -i love coke zero but i'd have to go with pepsi max. it just tastes better. | |
| 82) Staying who you are OR changing yourself drastically? -changing myself but only to be more confident, not to be a dick to everyone. | |
| 83) Breakdown OR Clean vocal bridge? -don't know. | |
| 84) Jonny Craig OR Kellin Quinn? Define your reason for your choice. -Jonny Craig. just love his lyrics and voice. | |
| 85) Ronnie OR Craig? Define your reason for your choice. | |
| 86) Your life as a comedy OR Your life as a documentary? -documentary | |
| 87) Go to outer space OR Go all around Europe? -all around europe | |
| 88) Shoes OR Shirts? -shoes | |
| 89) Chelsea Grin OR Suicide Silence? -Suicide Silence. | |
| 90) Drop out of school to get a job OR stay at school and finish your education. Define your reason for your choice. -stay in school. i want to become a greater artist and become well known. | |
| Almost over: | |
| 91) So far have you told 90 truths? And for fuck sake be honest. -definitely | |
| 92) Are you quiet about your social life with your family? -mostly open but keep some things to myself. | |
| 93) Do you want to travel when you are older? -YESS | |
| 94) Would you let go of people who mean the most to you to follow your dreams? -i'd take them with me : | P |
| 95) Did you notice there are no sex related questions? -yes | |
| 96) Rather be the opposite gender? -nahh | |
| 97) What will you name your son/daughter? -not sure | |
| 98) Do you get harassed more than most people do? -yess -_- | |
| 99) What band do you hate the most? Define your reason. -don't really hate any actually. i'm open to all kinds of bands. | |
| 100) What makes you a bad person in your mind? -i hurt myself which hurts the people i love. |
strawberries with truvia and diet 25 calorie swiss miss hot chocolate powder (Taken with instagram)
Passionate, dramatic, reserved, witty.
Restless, Sentimental, Charismatic, Sweet
Talented, naive, outspoken, charming
Witty, naive, outgoing, passionate.
Happy, peace, sweet, passionate.
sweet,naive,charismatic,passionate.
lovely, dramatic, passionate, sweet
(Source: leetakeuchi, via allicansayiscomecloser)
